day 147: A makes a friend

A’s schedule is early. He wakes up at 0330 to workout at 0400, and then coaches at 0515 and 0600 before going into regular suit and tie work. He now has a regular morning crew, working out with him early and then doing the later classes too. He’s so happy and it’s so so great.

And the salt of the day: Fatal Distraction..

I can’t stop crying.


day 274: exciting!

Spring admissions are open! I can apply and hopefully get in with scholarship and stipend in hand! CUA, here I come!

Life is accelerating and I just have to hold on. False, I have to pedal like crazy!


I finished my application this evening, will review it again tomorrow, will request recommendations from old professors and support from new ones, and then I should get the news.

I was speaking with A today about programs and prestige. It’s true, Johns Hopkins is Number One in biomedical engineering and just about every other place has a better stipend, there are better lab facilities to be found and there is research even more aligned with my interests across the United States, but none of that outweighs the attraction of a program in my backyard that I can begin in a short three months. I’ve been chasing number ones all my life, and they’ve left me disappointed, dissatisfied, and disenchanted. Recognition is earned through one’s products and quality of work, not through the name and reputation of an alma mater. As for opportunities, yes they may be plentiful elsewhere, but opportunities also can be made with a little sweat. This path and this school offers the stability, the peace of mind, and an allowance for work-life balance and familial investment that are all to easy to lose in the midst of two-hour-each-way commutes and the uncertainty of job prospects for my dear husband upon area relocations.

So, it is time to grasp life by the horns and get to riding. Fingers crossed the professor I want to work with writes back to me! Biomimetics would be a jackpot.

Finally, thanks God, for everything.



day 273: bumble bee

Today began in a frenzy: my stomach flip-flopped on the way to work, mangled with uncertainy of the future. Was this to be my last day? With the government shutdown, this unpaid girl would officially be off the payroll. I could walk out with the rest of them. And then what? Tomorrow is a mystery.

I left work to pray at a church down the road. Sometimes the presence of the Blessed Sacrament makes me feel a little bit closer to God. I begged for help and guidance. But the hopelessness remained.

Until, that is, I talked to my dad. The ideas scattered through my consciousness coalesced to form a plan I can follow. Talking to him, everything makes sense. He’s so wise. Suddenly, over a cup of tea in the summer-like breeze I could smile through my tears. So here’s the plan: biomedical (biomechanical) engineering, Ph.D., booya.


Also, a bee was in my car today. Sometimes the things that sting the most make the best honey.




day 205: grace

I’ve started talking to God again. Why did I ever stop?


The boom and I took a nap after work today, then A and I got to meet little Gregory Xavier. He is so so cute. He looks a little bit like a gremlin but in the sweetest possible way. He squeezes his eyes and grimaces and waves his little fists around…gee what a blessing he is.

Given all the grace I’ve been getting, it only seems fitting that I do Grace tomorrow.#95, thanks be to God.

day 176: amble

My walk is off. My body is off. Every move is foreign. My mind finds it hard to smile.

My fingers are crossed: they squeeze in hope that my upper body exertions will excite in me a happy disposition.

I have been blessed to be able to move without inhibition or major complaint for so long; I had forgotten the sad creature I become when I do not exercise.

Thank You for giving me the gift of a corporeal existence.


Body my house
my horse my hound
what will I do
when you are fallen

Where will I sleep
How will I ride
What will I hunt

Where can I go
without my mount
all eager and quick
How will I know
in thicket ahead
is danger or treasure
when Body my good
bright dog is dead

How will it be
to lie in the sky
without roof or door
and wind for an eye

With cloud for shift
how will I hide?

— May Swenson

day 151: stereoisomer

Ugggggghhhhh I left yesterday’s post as a draft so it’s a day late. You should read that first.

This is my first weekend totally at home in the past five months and it’s been GRRRRRRRRRREAT!

No night shift, no traveling, no commitments…ahhhh man it’s a good good life. It always is, even with responsibilities. Free-time doesn’t really work unless it’s a once-in-a-while thing.

We woke up, I post-breakfasted with the boom, I tutored, I picked up my dress, I came home, I hung out with A, we got coffee, we got groceries, we got more coffee, we went home, I walked the boom, and now we’re here, on the couch, chillaxing.

Anywhoooo I’m a little bummed. I thought my left side was soooo healthy. I thought it could do no wrong and wanted my right side to just get with the program and get strong and healthy and not broken like the healthy dexter. I mean, I can’t even feel abs on my right side where they’re actually visible on the left (on good days.) I constantly have to tug and press on my right side to get the burning feeling to go away, to stop the feeling that someone is carving into my trap/scap/whateveritis with a hot blade.

But yesterday, while sitting in the car, I looked out the window and owwwwww. I couldn’t breathe. Returning my head to a neutral position, I calmed myself. I inhaled slowly. I reached awkwardly to touch the spot left of my spine that mirrors where the knife digs on the right and – bam – a bump. I think my rib is out. Which one? I don’t know. But it’s on the left side.


It’s pretty tender. I have to be really careful when I change positions. And God forbid I look up and to the right at the same time.

I finally found a doc who might be able to help me. Two in fact. I really hope they can. Really really really really really hope they can. I just want to lift heavy weights.

Hmmm. I want to do a couple of other things too.  But getting fixed is definitely numbah one on the list.

When health is absent, wisdom cannot reveal itself, art cannot manifest, strength cannot fight, wealth becomes useless, and intelligence cannot be applied.
― Herophilus

Please God, please.