day 147: A makes a friend

A’s schedule is early. He wakes up at 0330 to workout at 0400, and then coaches at 0515 and 0600 before going into regular suit and tie work. He now has a regular morning crew, working out with him early and then doing the later classes too. He’s so happy and it’s so so great.

And the salt of the day: Fatal Distraction..

I can’t stop crying.


day 146: maddy came over

red rover red rover send maddy right over.
it was so nice to be with my sistwer. we made chocolate chip cookies. we sat on the floor. and then last night she nursed me through a lot of tears and a lot of anxiety and a lot of pain, and now I feel okay again.

bean and I went on a trip. our very first trip by ourselves. our very very first without screaming from departure to arrival and then back again.

days 132 – 145: what I remember

Hankster finished his eagle-scout project! (In one day!) We’ve been talking about it since he was 8.

I always give bean the spoons while I’m unloading the dishwasher. He takes them out of the utensil cage and puts them back in, takes them out and puts them back in, takes them out and throws them on the floor. Finished with the dishes, I pulled out some blueberries from the fridge and placed them in a small bowl for him. He looked at the bowl, looked around, looked at the bowl again, looked up at me for a while, the finally, gingerly, picked up a large spoon that was still on the floor and began to the painstaking process of trying to spoon the blueberries one by one. He usually eats blueberries with his fingers, but this was the first time he had a bowl of blueberries (I usually give them to him one by one) and the bowl must have signaled the necessity of a spoon. Not being provided one (he has a very special spoon) he did what he could with what he had available to him. With him, smiles are so easy.

On our anniversary, I was reading in bed next to A and right before he drifted off, (in truth I thought he was already gone,) he kissed me on my elbow.

For the first time in his life, bean let me put him down in the middle of his nap. I stayed with him, but I did things I normally can’t do when I’ve wrapped him or he’s sleeping on me: reading and taking notes, knitting, not sweating…

Bean has a new tooth coming in.

On Memorial Day, A and I did Murph: 1 mile run, 100 pull-ups (ring rows for me), 200 push ups, 300 squats, and another 1 mile run. We did it an hour apart, but we both finished in 40 minutes and change. Two best parts: first, remembering the soldiers, the sailors, the marines, the coast guard, and the airmen who died for us, for our freedom, for lives which are worth living. Second, remembering the first time I attempted this workout with A, doing it completely wrong (100 of each movement vice the rep scheme shown above,) taking over an hour to do so, and thinking there was no way I’d ever be able to do anything even close. That was three years ago. A came up to me afterward and told me what a great job I did and we smiled at how far we’ve come, and how far we have to go. I’ve never felt connected to A at the gym; he’s so personable and so friendly and so outgoing, plus a coach, we always go our separate ways. That moment we had, where he came up to me and smiled at me and spoke with me, I finally felt like I was wanted. I finally felt like I belonged.

We saw a butterfly. bean was on my back and boom was being stubborn and a butterfly flew up from the flowers and all around us before she went on her merry way. bean tracked her flight while she was in sight, a smile of wonder on his sweet face.

day 131: no phone

The week without a phone continued. Sleep came easier, smiles were freer, and time passed slower. But no phone meant no contact, and that is playing with fire given a little boy prone to mischief. So a phone came home, (my mom’s phone, thank you mom!) and, though it was still disconnected, life nonetheless became a little bit more connected.

day 129: row, squat, run

bean and A accompanied me to the gym, where rowed 1000 meters, squatted 95 pounds 30 times, and ran 800 meters. It was a great workout, made sweeter by the presence of my family. As always, I should have gone heavier, and I should have gone faster. And as always, I’m glad there’s a next time.

day 128: squash

e wanted to play with the baby acorn squash sitting on the counter so I put him on the ground and let him have at it while I loaded the dishwasher. I ended up doing a load of laundry and swifing as well and realized, suddenly, that all was quiet on the western front. I march to the kitchen and there’s boomer, eating the raw acorn squash, breaking the tough skin with her needle-like teeth, and e cozying up next to her taking little bites of his own whenever boom rolled it away.