birthdays and deathdays and lifedays

Five days ago, I celebrated 26 years of life. They were 26 years of living and trying to live; 26 years of laughing and raging; 26 years of quiet and tears. 26 years which brought me to a day full of ordinary blessings, of liquid sunshine, of great love from so many for who I am and who I was and who I will be.

This 26th year brings with it so many unknowns, so many surprises, so many windows just waiting for me to fling open. It will bring our son. I know all my imaginings prove pale to how this little bean will change our lives.

A different Son is risen today. Three days after His death day, He is back to life. A life which I hope lives in me. A life which I want to live in me.

I have a life in me. A life which will soon be born from me. He will be unleashed into this world, capable of breathing, learning, growing, living all on his own. He will take with him my heart, scattering it about on his adventures through his sweet unknowable life. I hope so much for him.

When will be his birthday? The doctors say it will be April 29th, nine short days from this gorgeous Easter Sunday (which is also my little sistwer’s birthday.) Some think May 1st, some April 27th. One is even banking on May 9th. I believed he was coming today, given the slight contractions and increased pressure. But these have calmed and we are left with an unfulfilled anticipation, a question, a hope, a wish, a prayer, a please please please please please come soon we just can’t wait to meet you.

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