the wind and the chill rival south quad’s cruelest midwinter gales.

ushered in with the smooth, foreign terrain of blanketed snow, this bitterly long, cold week continues even as the white shrinks into islands rising from patches of brown grass and gray dirt. so too this post languishes; an idea that was pure, driven, whole and encompassing now in remnants, battered by time.

but there is some beauty yet in its memory.

that first night, this first draft, the warmth kindled within while my fingers and toes and nose all froze. sweet boomer, in her tiny ferocity, battled the wind which threatened to bodily carry her scant eleven pounds. she walked back and forth across our new landscape, seeking a place to relieve her bladder. i’d brought her out unleashed, following A’s example for nighttime excursions and warily trusting that my great blessing, my best friend, would not run. time stretched, and boomer continued to search for that elusive perfect spot. i could not tell if my shivering was due more to cold or fear: each passing set of headlights burned into me the sad image of my pup caught between wheels, me too late, too slow, to save her. i shadowed her, of course, but she is ever so fast when she sees squirrels.

when i thought i could take it no longer, she finally deigned to squat. there, as her water steamed the snow, so too it warmed my heart. i was so proud, so relieved. it rivaled the joy that overwhelmed me at her first outside pee. she was so small, probably half her weight and less than that in length and height. a fluff of fur, she had rung the bell on the door and i raced her down the hallway to the patch of grass in front of our window. she squatted and i let out the biggest yell and holler i had; watching her tomboy success (that right leg is always up when she goes) i swelled with motherly delight. what strange, small things bring me such exultation.


other small fires in this frigid air:

  • bean, dancing around in this belly of mine
  • m.e. swings with A
  • forgetting myself for a bit with knitting and studying
  • sleep, which is all i want to do these days
  • burning quads from positioning squats
  • the space left from happy memories too quickly lost
  • home




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