day 253: lost

I’ve never seen that epic telivision show filmed in Hawaii (right around the corner from where I paddled everyday) and staring the elusive beauty Evangeline Lily (who never showed up to one of my civics classes though she promised she would.) Though the production is unknown to me, this feeling is no stranger.

My thoughts dance a whirling dervish around and around my job situation. The forest is hard to see with this huge tree growing about me. Most of the time I would feel safe as a child of the woods, but this wooden prison seems particularly carnivorous.

I find I am a spaz. Has everyone known all along? Changing my mind from this to that, and from here to there, looking for that green grass, those Elysian fields.  Finally I understand A’s views on security. At last I see how chasing dreams can be a vampire to the present.

I know some things: uncontrolled stress has no place in productivity; worry is worse than squeezing blood from a stone. But ask any theoretical physicist: knowledge is far removed from the application of knowledge. It’s the witching hour, and at dawn the bugler calls.

faithfear

KT

out

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One thought on “day 253: lost

  1. I just caught up on your last week and wanted you to know my thoughts are with you. I am using all my courage to keep propelling myself forward into my own scary and unknown future. Though we travel different roads, we are traveling together. Keep heart!

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