day 235: beggars can’t be choosers

sadtimesshaw

It’s been a sad day. Maybe I miss la’M. Maybe I miss me at her age. I know I miss the ocean; that’s all I felt could soothe my soul on such a morning. Yes, I woke with an “I don’t want to be awake but no I don’t want to be asleep either” attitude, despite the warmth of the pup nearby. Our morning walk was tinged with sorrow, Boom reserved and I listless; even the sun seemed to paint in blues as it rose to meet the horizon.

Perhaps surf would have lifted my heart, but my hours separation from the waves made the test of the hypothesis inconvenient. So instead I post-breakfast-napped with Boom then made my way to the gym. It was a good workout, with exertion in spades, but even the ensuing rush of endorphins was not enough to shake this funk.

I returned home and was productive, cleaning and sorting and taking responsibility. It’s not so hard to do when I’m feeling down, because when that happens I don’t want to do much of anything. And tidying up is rather mindless. I welcomed home A then biked to class.

Schooling did little to raise my spirits. I’m not particularly fond of my professor, and wist away at the thought of the chemistry courses I could have taken at good old ND. My book will be professor enough.

Such is the grind of my new autumn Sats. It was happy enough, with blossoms of light in the dove gray day. The sadness settles, and so should I in its soft fields. It is the ache of the pull between change and stagnation, each at odds with the other in this new life I’m building. New lives take time, for they require the company of the person living them. And persons are pretty darn slow: static between moments.

WOD: 1000 m row, 50 stepups, 100 m farmer’s walk #35 each hand, 10 rope pulls, 50 abmat situps, 50 m oh lunges #25, 10 tire flips, 25 m low prowler 25 m high prowler #200, 800 m row: 30 minutes.

MCAT: mass spectrometry and infrared spectroscopy; the big stage is the best place to perform.

KT

out

 

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