day 211: screen time

scream time.
whoops, slip of the figurative tongue.
Seriously though, I could scream at the amount of time I spend in front of some sort of screen. My obsession is not limited to work hours or even hours inside. No, I take my screen with me everywhere — in the car, driving in the car, on walks with boom, in bed…it’s reeeeeeeeediculous.
I’m killing myself. I’m killing my soul. It’s dying in the bright blue light of screens. Television screens, computer screens, itty-bitty iPhone screens. The least I could do is get off them when I don’t have to be on them. How many hours have I wasted just looking for something interesting to surf? The idea of the number depresses me; if I somehow could know the actual number, I would likely sob, my heart sinking right through the soles of my feet straight to China.
Why? Because every minute I spend looking at a screen when it’s not for work or research or real wholesome correspondence is a minute spent lifeless. It’s a minute I’m not playing with the boom, it’s a minute I’m not studying for my career, it’s a minute I’m not working on mobility and Oly technique. It’s a minute I’m not swiffing to make A’s life just a little be easier. It’s a minute I’m not doing the things I really and truly enjoy doing: bettering myself, being outside, reading, thinking hard about life.
I’ve had a long life so far. But have I made it deep? Have I made it wide? Have I made it colorful and musical and brimming with love? No, not as much as I could have. But I still have a chance to make it so as much as I can.
I can. I can. I can.
And I will.

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